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2011/06/12 / Danib

Ok, I think I’m Getting To My Freaking Out Stage

So, I do this. I hope I’m not the only one…but the more I’m planning my trip, the more I’m starting to feel like “what the fuck am I thinking?” And “how the hell am I ever going to pull this off?”

I still need a dslr camera, a laptop, rabies shots, and external SSD (solid state drives) or something to keep backup photos on.  And on top of all this, I still need to sell my stuff (going very slowly, almost non-existintly), and save at least $4000 more…in 3 months! 

I’m also still waiting to find out if court for my stolen car will delay this trip or not, the place my roommate and I are renting we are now taking to court for a number of health and saftey issues…so we can get out of here.  Oh, and they removed our gate codes so now we have to sit at the gate waiting for either the security or another tenant to come by and let us into our complex (honestly, I don’t know how these people could possibly think this will help their case in court)

Yeah, life happens.  And it likes to do so all at once.  But the “how the hell am I going to make enough money to do this when I have no idea what I’m doing” factor is the worst!  I’m really trying to force myself to not do nothing and just give up! 

But I knew this was coming. Every big trip (in or out of country) I do, I go through this. It will pass (usually once I buy the plane ticket…but because of court for my car, I can’t yet).  But I feel the need to write about this feeling of dread, hopelessness, uncertainty, and WTFamidoing? 

This blog is about not just my trip, but the emotions and things leading up to it…and this is one of those emotion things.  I doubt I’m the only one that goes through this. I hope this post may help someone else who feels the same, so they can know they are not alone. 

But how the hell am I going to save 4grand plus sell all my stuff? (which will almost pay for the camera and laptop…if I can get it to sell!) 

Arrgghhh. 

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5 Comments

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  1. gail / Jun 13 2011 3:38 AM

    Relax. No one is forcing you to leave the country on a specific date. No one is going to fault you if you have to delay it- a month, a year,a decade. Life is still an adventure, whether abroad or in your own backyard.

  2. john / Jun 13 2011 5:26 AM

    D. could you do without a laptop? Internet cafes everywhere, cheap in Asia. One less thing to carry and worry about (and buy). john

    • Danib / Jun 13 2011 8:53 AM

      No. I’m a photographer, and I need to be able to upload and save my photos for future use. I can’t upload and edit photos at a cafe. Not for what I want to do with them. (Plus I shoot RAW, and I doubt most cafes have CS5 available)

  3. Scott / Jun 13 2011 1:45 PM

    You are going to put them on a server somewhere right? Don’t trust a laptop hard drive! You know what’ you’re doing so I’m sure that’s a moot issue.

    Is there any backpacking gear that you need still? Camera’s I don’t know, but I do know ultra-light backpacking gear – and I know how to make the basic items and make them well. How’s your sleeping gear? Interested in a Hammock? Let me know if you need a pack, sleeping bag, tarp, kitchen gear, etc. I’d be glad to outfit you any way I can, and you can’t save more money than in FREE gear! 🙂

    Love you Dani, looking forward to backpacking vicariously through you.

    • Danib / Jun 13 2011 3:24 PM

      i want to put my photos on a server; but alas, i know NOTHING about this. I need to be able to upload my RAW images (in case my backpack is lost/stolen…which im planning on happening at some point during this trip); but i dont even know where to start on what to look for or what a reasonable cost is. Im trying to figure this part out right now.

      As for the rest, im emailing you personally. i forgot mom said you make some stuff (i had no idea you make packs though). I have a tent, that i bought cheap, and was one of 4 that didnt flood on a gig (:D). Im still debating on bringing a tent, since i plan to stay in hostels and couchsurf mostly…but last time there was a couple times a tent would have come in handy…and im thinking it might be nice to have one, in case i need one, and since its cheap (but watertight), if i decide its really more hassle than helpful, i will not feel bad giving it away.

      Though until i was on your site i totally forgot im going to need some kind of mosquito net…

      ok, im emailing you know.

      LOVE YOU!

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